Sunday, August 10, 2014

It's Been Years

I have a whole collection of art supplies.  Paper, colored pencils, crayons, sharpies, stickers...paint, and some canvas.  I have paint.  And blank canvas.  The last time I painted was last time I wasn't watching tv.  Yep.  A few years ago, I had a nice, big, flat screen tv.  And then I didn't.  So I didn't have a choice - there was no tv.  No internet, even.  I lived in a small, quiet apartment.  But I had an easel and my paints.  I painted quite a bit - two of those paintings have hung on the wall in every house I've lived in since then.  I love them!  They are simple and the represent another time in life that I was reevaluating things.

Tonight, I didn't pull out a canvas.  I've had a project this whole time.  Haley bought a cute, wooden sign for me to paint.  I've had it for months.  The purpose was to paint it and put our name on it so we could hang it by our front door.  So it's purple and white...and probably a little girly for Haley's tastes.  But I loved painting it.

Painting is almost therapeutic for me.  Clarifying.  Simple.

I compare it to my life, in a way.   Blank canvas. 

Friday, August 8, 2014

One Word

August 8, day 8. 

Ok, I've got one word for you:


Yup, today is the day.....I'm so bored.  Sure, there are plenty of things I could do.  But I don't want to.  I gave Haley a foot rub, did some stretching, worked on the blanket I'm making, took the dogs out and now...I'm staring at the blank tv screen, mentally kicking myself for even thinking up this crazy challenge.  Haley has to get up before the sun, so she's in bed - but if I join her, I'll just wake up in a few hours and then toss and turn the rest of the night.  No thanks.  See, I could cheat (again) and not write about it and you'd never know.

But I'd know.

And I hate that.

So I guess I'll just be bored. 

Thursday, August 7, 2014


August 7, day 7.

There have been some great moments in the last few days.  I've gone out to lunch with my dad, made dinner with my wife, held my new nephew, walked to work in the sunshine, had great sex.  ;)

AND...I've watched tv.  We decided to order pizza to be delivered and sit on the couch tonight.  With the tv on.  Yep.  TV.  Exactly what my challenge is about NOT doing.  Do I feel a little guilty?  Well, I did.  But then I started multitasking: I practiced my Thai Reflexology on Haley's perfect little feet.  I love learning about reflexology and the idea that the bottoms of the feet are a map for the rest of the body.  I can stimulate organs and body systems by pressing certain points on the toes, heels, everywhere in between, tops of the feet, and even ankles.  Awesome.

But then practice was over, pizza got here, and the tv is still on.  Sometimes, this is exactly how Haley and I just relax, let go of a stressful day, cuddle.  Sometimes, this is intimate time together.  We hold hands, talk about our days, pet the pups, discuss news, plan for tomorrow, dream about the day after that. 

So, no, I don't feel guilty about breaking my challenge tonight. 

Tomorrow, however, is day 8.  And there is always more housecleaning to be done!

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Wet Puppies

August 6, day 6.

Have you ever witnessed a couple of dogs who are terrified of the water?  Yesterday was a whole new kind of adventure for our little family!  I have two dogs: a three-year-old chihuahua/shit zhu mix and a five-year-old cavalier.  The former is Molly, at 17 lbs with bug eyes and teeth that stick out.  The latter is Charlie, at about 35 lbs and hair to spare.  They are our babies.  We do almost everything with them.  We take them to the store, they have access to all our furniture, we spoil them with pureed pumpkin, and we buy them really awesome stuff jackets! 

I knew that neither of them would necessarily LIKE the river, but every dog owner's gotta have their fun, right?  Here's how it went: put on life jacket, attach leash, pick up petrified dog, walk out into the water.  By the time their cute little paws hit the cold, they were frantically swimming - even when not actually in the water.  This, for your information, is hilarious!  After a few attempts, we realized it was probably more traumatizing than fun, so we called it quits and opted to chase all the geese instead.  :) 

What a day!  And I think I'd rather take a family trip to the river than sit on the couch all day - even though my puppies would probably have a different opinion.

Today probably holds more house cleaning, juice-making, grocery shopping, and perhaps a little bit of boredom - if I'm to be completely honest.  We got Haley up and out the door to work and now the house is quiet, except for the hum of my computer.

Monday, August 4, 2014

A New Day

August 4, day 4.

After being so emotional yesterday, I was completely useless last night.  Even after I felt guilty enough to get off Facebook, I sank into the couch in my dark, quiet living room.  By the time I was read to go upstairs, I could barely keep my puffy eyes open.  But I slept restlessly - tossing and turning - and couldn't get up to help Haley out the door this morning.  She worked two doubles in a row and had to be at work by 6am again today....I don't know how she does it!

I finally pulled my head off the pillow and saw the sun shining through the leaves outside my bedroom window.  Today is a new day.  I took the pups out and took a couple really good deep breaths.  Today is a new day.  I washed my face and looked in the mirror to see clear eyes, no redness or swelling.  Today is a new day.  I stood in the dark, cool shower and felt all the pain and insecurity of yesterday wash away.  Today is a new day. 

Please, if someone has a dream that is different than yours, speak delicately to them.  You may think they're crazy, but that doesn't mean they're wrong, less intelligent, or less successful than you.  Just different. 

Sunday, August 3, 2014

NOT Successful

August 3, day 3.

Apparently, being emotional doesn't just make me food binge.  I media binge too.

After a large piece of pie and two hours on Facebook....goodnight.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Well, that didn't go as planned!

August 2, day 2.

So, yesterday: I got home from work and had to sit on the couch for a few minutes to unwind and catch up with Haley.  We both mentioned a few errands that needed to be done like an oil change and stopping by a friend's house.  After dinner out, an oil change, putting gas in the car, and scheduling a date on the river with our friend, we got home to a plethora of dishes and mountains of laundry.  No thanks.  The dogs were too hot or too occupied with the neighbor kids to go for a walk.  No counter space = no making juice either.  So did I accomplish anything I wanted to yesterday?


Since we got married and I moved in around the beginning of the year, we've been constantly going through our stuff, moving it, unpacking it, getting rid of it.  The area of our living room dedicated to our tv and entertainment stuff has been three pieces of furniture, including a book shelf, coffee table, and smaller entertainment stand.  Each has been full of appliances, movies, games, or power cords.  Last night, with Haley's help, I was able to get rid of all three pieces of furniture while still having enough space to store everything AND move all the cords out of sight.  Floor space, concealed stuff, and downsizing!  Woo!  Three of my favorite things!  We re-purposed an old dresser to hold everything.

It's not quite done yet - I still have some organizing to do, but it looks so much better!  Haley had to get up at 3:30 this morning for a very long day at work...but she stayed up with me to get as much done as possible (I have the best wife, in case you were wondering!).  Now my two hours per week of tv-watching will be clutter-free too!

...maybe today will be the dishes and laundry day.  Two of my least favorite things.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Challenge Day 1!

It begins!  August 1st, challenge day 1.

I'm reducing my tv-watching to 2 hours a week.  No wasting time online with Facebook, Reddit, Stumble, etc.  No wasting time on my phone with games and such nonsense!

Now, that doesn't mean no internet at all.  I'll still use Facebook for communication purposes, along with email.  I'll be online every day (hopefully) to write a short blog about this challenge.

...I'm nervous.

Can I say that?

But, ultimately, I'm excited.  And this is called a challenge for a reason: it is going to be difficult for me.  But I have a game plan, at  least for today.  I need to clean my kitchen, make some homemade vegetable juice, take the dogs on a walk, call my mom, and take a few deep breaths!  I'll be removing all the unnecessary apps from my phone, at least so they're no so easily accessed.  I have plans to reorganize and put away all our movies.  And I'm sure my bookshelf will get a little more attention.

I know this month is going to do me some good.  Perhaps I'll pick up a new hobby.  Maybe I'll do some massage marketing and gain a few more clients.  Make a new friend.  De-stress.  At the very least, I'll have so many more ideas about how to spend my time, my house should be clean and I'll have spent more quality time with Haley, my love.  :)

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

My Challenge Starts in 3 Days!!

So I'm preparing for a month without tv.  Ok, 2 hours of tv per week for about 4 weeks.  Yesterday I "prepared" by getting in as much tv as possible.  And a movie.

...there was no time for dishes or dog-walking - I was one with the couch!

And then I couldn't sleep.  Our movie of choice ended at about 11pm.  I fell asleep for a little while, only to wake up at 3am.  I laid there for what seemed to be FOREVER.  In reality, it was only about an hour.  I couldn't get comfortable.  Right side, left side, back, stomach...too hot, too cold.  ugh.  I took my pillow to the couch and curled up under Haley's zebra-striped blanket and listened to my dog, Charlie, snore.  I finally fell asleep, only to be woken up by the sun in my eyes and my alarm coming from somewhere in the couch.  The start of another day.

After taking the pups out, a cup of coffee, and a long shower, I resolved that I would survive work.  So far, so good (I'm on my lunch break).  And I won't have much time, if any, to sit in front of the tv tonight because we have dinner plans.  So I guess that'll be helpful in my crazy transition from zombie-tv-binger to...whatever I am at the end of August! 

Sunday, July 27, 2014

It's Been a While!

The last time I sat down to write a post for this blog was over two years go.  So much has happened in that time.  I met a guy after my divorce with whom I was in a polyamorous relationship.  He taught me a lot about myself and relationships.  He helped me be comfortable with my sexuality, which I experimented with as well as labels, including bisexual, pansexual, gay.  So, obviously, I am not in a sexual or romantic relationship with him anymore, but he was the one who introduced me to my beautiful wife.  There will be plenty of writing about all aspects of my life, I'm sure, but that's not why I'm writing tonight.

Recently, I've been examining my life, thinking about all the things I want to do but don't do or haven't done.  Things like crochet (I'm working on a huge blanket), take the dogs on a walk for some exercise and time in the sun, read my vast collection of books, and actually keep my kitchen clean and floors vacuumed.  But there's a problem: I always make the same excuses.  "There's no time!"  "I'm so exhausted..."

Where does all my time go?  Why am I so tired all the time?  I'll tell you.  I spend an enormous amount of time on the couch or surfing the internet.  I have cable, Netflix, high speed wireless internet, a smart phone - and as soon as I'm home from work, it's like I'm glued to the tv and the same time!  Then I don't want to make dinner so we eat unhealthy, "convenient" food.  I don't want to take the dogs out because my gut is full of gross, heavy dinner.  Bed time comes around and I can't sleep because I haven't done anything all evening, physically or mentally.

So I am embarking on a 31-day personal challenge.  I'm reducing my tv-watching to two hours a week to watch my favorite shows: Longmire and Tiny House Nation.  Also, I'm only going to use my phone for communication, checking my work schedule, getting directions, etc - not to be on facebook or play games.

Start date: August 1
End date: August 31

This gives me a couple days to prepare myself.  Because this is going to be a big change for me.

...I say as I'm watching my fourth hour of tv tonight.